Wednesday, 26 November 2014

5 Ways UK Politicians Have Screwed You in the Past Year

People have been unhappy with governments since they were invented; after all, they're only people, and let's not forget it was people who killed Jesus. But recently, the UK has been firing up the election engine and all the main political parties have been going into overdrive trying to secure people's votes. The Conservative's main strategy in their entire time in "Coalition" has been spent busily and quietly screwing people over, and 2014 was no different; politicians have proven that they are experts at screwing the average Joe over. For example...

1. MPs Gave Themselves a Massive Pay Rise.

In 2014, the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority (IPSA) reviewed MP's annual salaries of £67,000 and reached the conclusion that it was just not enough money to buy duck houses and moat cleaning services. They recommended that the figure should be raised to £74,000. The justification behind this being as Marcial Boo, Chief Executive of IPSA puts it, that MPs are "lagging" behind those salaries in the Private sector, and that these increases are in line with economic conditions such as inflation.
Subo's not happy.

Now excuse me for being pedantic, but when Public sector pay scales only gained an increase of 1% last year, isn't it entirely hypocritical that an independent watchdog would choose to recommend MP's pay increase? Who needs £74,000 a year, considering that MPs are allowed to claim for a lot on their expenses, even after the Expenses Reform of 2010. I mean, if the guys in charge are getting paid above and beyond what they really need, shouldn't we be putting more resources into securing Public sector jobs instead of...

2. Taking Money from Local Government, Eliminating Services and Forcing Redundancies.

Chancellor George Osbourne, the guy in charge of the money, announced in June 2013 that 
"Local government will take the biggest hit (in cuts), with cuts at the Department for Communities and Local Government of 10%" What does that mean? Well, that 10% of cuts means reductions in frontline services, such as waste collection and emergency services. 

Even an independent watchdog has criticised the Government for not having any foresight into the effects of cuts on local governments; leaving many with the feeling that they just don't get what they pay for from taxes anymore. But you have to trust that the money they're saving is going to where it's needed, don't you? Wrong, because...

3. They Constantly Lie to You About What They're Spending Your Money on.

This month, the Government at a cost of millions, sent households in the UK a nice little pie-charted leaflet with their annual tax summaries. This leaflet claimed that almost a quarter of ALL public spending was going on Welfare. On closer inspection, it was found that they were actually lumping services that were nothing to do with Welfare into that category to plump up the statistics. A recent Guardian article shows that a massive proportion of these figures are undefined, leading many to question the Government's official version. Even a Select Committee ruled that ‘Ministers have to stop quoting whichever figure best suits their argument on any given occasion. Without an agreed single measure of local government spending power there can be no public transparency or open debate on council funding.’

I'll have the biggest slice, thanks.
So not only are your government lying to you about where they're spending your money, but they can show you a shiny pie chart to prove to you where you're not spending it. With all the confusion over statistics, is it any wonder that...

4. They Insist on Eroding Your Rights in the Name of Freedom and Security. 

As I wrote about yesterday, the UK Government is obsessed with restricting the Internet and forcing companies to supply details of their customers, as well as intercept private communications and restrict users' access to phones and the Internet, without any provisional court hearings. Not only that, but the new legislation says that they can now move anyone, from anywhere in the country, to anywhere in the country. (Link

Now, anyone can say that "It's Orwell's vision come true!" or conversely, "Well, it's all in the name of stopping terrorism!", but fundamentally, it is taking rights away from ordinary citizens under the guise of fighting against proverbial "terrorists". Who's to say that under these new laws, they won't just detain or move someone who isn't a terrorist, for their own reasons. They already have the power to hold you in a prison cell for 28 days without telling you why.

5. They are all Woefully Under-qualified to do the Job. 

When an MP is appointed a Cabinet Minister by the Prime Minister, they take on the responsibility of a particular department, be it Health, Transport or Velociraptors. The problem here is that most MPs appointed to these positions have come from completely different departments and have absolutely no clue on the issues of their appointed sector. These people rely on their staff in order to formulate policy. The problem being here, that as we can see in the case of MPs such as Jeremy Hunt, they have absolutely no idea how to do the job.

Hunt himself was Culture, Sport and Media secretary during the phone-hacking scandal and the failed BskyB deal, which is ironic, considering he knows the Murdochs well. He was then moved to Health Secretary, and in an almost impressive display of buffoonery, has replaced Primary Care Trusts with Clinical Commissioning Groups, which have a tremendous amount of power over healthcare; allowing them to award contracts to any private business interest. What this means is that the Government is much more interested in selling off public services to make themselves and their friends' business interests a lot of money instead of actually looking at what the healthcare infrastructure really needs, like funding for anger management or physical therapy, which is currently unavailable for patients.

After taking these points into consideration, my message to voters in Britain is: spoil your ballot paper. It's a vote for a brighter tomorrow.

The Independent: Slow News or Devious Plan?

The Independent today made a decision that would have usually been beyond it's usual, more reasonable slow news day items. A slow news day sometimes cannot be avoided, but what news outlets choose to peddle on these days can sometimes fall into the ridiculous. For example, this morning, I was faced with a headline that was so blatantly exaggerated, I felt compelled to critique it. Here goes...

Doesn't everything about this headline just seem wrong to you?  It contains absolutely no information of any value to anyone. It even manages to be of less value than both Tomb Raider films. Would you really notice if she did move to the UK? So we have to ask ourselves: What is the point of this news story, assuming of course, it wasn't just a slow news day.

The only logical reason, other than it being a slow news day, is that The Independent is really hoping that the 'Mansion Tax' will be shelved, and is doing all it can to sully it's name. They are secretly in collusion with Jolie to quash the mansion tax and make sure that Labour don't get in, because then they would have to pay money. And when you have so much of it, who wants to give any away? I mean, it's not as if the rest of the world have to pay any tax on their incomings. And of course, Jolie needs to move to this country to boost the economy, because as we can all see from Band Aid, celebrities really care a great deal about other, less fortunate people and not about garnering publicity for themselves.

I mean, it's not as if Jolie and the Conservatives are friends or anything. What possible reasons could they have for sabotaging Labour? I mean, there's no harm in looking at a £25 million Marylebone penthouse before saying on National television how high tax would put you off moving here, is there? I'm sure Ed Miliband has more to worry about than The Independent on a slow news day and I'm sure Jolie has more to worry about than how much tax she's going to avoid on that new penthouse.

Do we really need to see this drivel every day? In a brutal and indiscriminate attempt to drive the daily steaming pile of non-news down our throats in exchange for those precious, precious pageviews, news outlets will now scrape the barrel for any old shit that happens to be said by anyone, because obviously the most interesting aspect of the Jolie interview was a throwaway comment about an issue she cares nothing about, not her new film or any of her charity work or anything.

A slow news day indeed.

Source: The Independent

Tuesday, 25 November 2014

Tories Tighten Grip on the Internet

The Government has today unveiled legislation that they claim is designed to combat terror. Under the new laws, the Government will have the right to restrict travel and entry to the country if they are suspected of terrorist activity. While this may be an issue in our society, there are more wide-reaching concerns about a bill restricting internet activity; it creates a dangerous precedent.

As reported on the Government's website, Home Secretary Theresa May is proposing laws that would " require internet providers to retain Internet Protocol - or IP - address data to identify individual users of internet services. This is an important step and it builds on the emergency legislation in the summer." 


"enable the authorities to limit a subject’s access to telephones and the internet, prevent them meeting certain associates, compel them to stay at a named address for a set number of hours every day, and bar them from entering certain premises or neighbourhoods."
Coming after the recent wave of revelations about the NSA and their global eavesdropping network, it seems that Mrs May is intent on the internet being restricted for those with extreme views, but let's take a closer look at what it could actually mean...

How is the Governement proposing to implement these laws? Will they require a court order to access information that is protected by the Data Protection Act? In the opinion of this site, it is another example of government trying to come up with policy that is as vague as possible, in order to maximise the scope of what these laws can be applied to. Granted, I am not privy to top secret intelligence briefings, but if 40 terrorist attacks have been foiled since 2005 and we didn't have the Communications Data Bill or a Counter-Terrorism and Security Bill to stop these attempts, so why do we need one now?

We must be careful not to give away too many of our freedoms in exchange for "security".


Monday, 9 June 2014

Never Mind the Bollocks: UKIP Goes Punk

UKIP, in a stunning and moving tribute, payed honour to the Punk era of music, by erecting some studded concrete outside its headquarters in London.
A UKIP source revealed: "Mr Farage has always been a big fan of Punk bands, he has 
a collection in his office which includes such classics as "Insulted by Germans (Again)" by NOFX and "Me vs. Morrissey in the Pretentiousness Contest (The Ladder Match)" by A Wilhelm Scream." She continued, "I often see him through the glass partition, headbanging and hitting his fists against the desk."
Of course, who could forget, that Mr Farage has always been on the forefront of the Counter-culture. As seen in this photograph taken after the Party's d├ębut conference mosh pit.

The Whitehall Brawl: May Vs. Gove

Boxing fans are tonight getting ready for one of the biggest showdowns in Coalition history; Theresa "One Punch" May against Michael "Badboy" Gove in what promises to be the fight of the century.

Tension began brewing between the two camps after Gove was called out by one of May's training team, who said in an interview, "He's got no attack, his policies are whack and he's going down fast!"

Team Gove responded by yelling "It's on!" and scheduled a preliminary weigh-in for the 10th of June. Rivalry has been rampant among each side's squad of "Special Advisers", with one even being forced to resign for apparently losing all common sense and posting a bag of dog feces through the opposition's letterbox.

Of course, speculation is growing as to who the favourite would be; we've seen both in spectacularly bad parliamentary blunders over the years, so it's anyone's guess who will come out on top. One boxing and political enthusiast told us "Well, May has a pretty mean Greenbelt Housing Policy, but I've seen Gove give someone a nasty Chinese burn."

One thing is certain though, nobody cares. While speaking to a man on a Clapham Omnibus, The Daily Farce has discovered that the vast majority of people would rather politicians just get on with trying to get the country out of it's massive debts. Although, I'm sure we would enjoy seeing Theresa May pummelling Michael Gove into a bloody pulp on the floor.

(Sources may be fabricated.)

Monday, 11 November 2013

John Major Shocked that Toffs Run the Country!

John Major has stated what he believes to be the shocking extent of the grip that the "Elite" have on public life in the UK. Mr Major was speaking to the South Norfolk Conservative Association, where he described the current state of the rich classes controlling a majority of the political influence in this country.

"In every single sphere of British influence, the upper echelons of power in 2013 are held overwhelmingly by the privately educated or the affluent middle class, To me, from my background, I find that truly shocking."  

This, all coming from a man who sat on the Carlyle Group's European Advisory Board and is also the former Chairman of Carlyle Europe, a company who's former employees include former U.S President George W. Bush, James Barker III, former Secretary of State for Dubya's dad.
Are we seriously supposed to believe that a man who knocks around with these kind of people in a company that moves money around for a living is "Shocked" at the fact that the people with the money control the political clout? Chairman of a company which, at the height of it's douchebaggery, defaulted on $16.6 billion of it's debt. I'm sure the people suffering the trauma of having their house foreclosed on would be very pleased to know that a few people made a hell of a lot of money out of everyone else losing everything.

How much more obvious could it be that we are ruled by a Money Elite than the fact that over half of our Cabinet were privately educated? People who never experience life outside of the Westminster Bubble? How long is it going to be before they have bled the country dry by selling off every single front line service? Being ruled by a man who looks like he could sell you a handful of sheep droppings; convincing you that they were a strange and wonderful Moroccan delicacy. Or the man in charge of the money, who has the look and feel of Scrooge McDuck re-imagined by Giger.

Is it any wonder that things never change if the only people who ever get to make the big decisions were all educated at the same place; they have exactly the same mindset. How long will it be before they finish bleeding the country dry? How long will it be until we notice?

Friday, 24 May 2013

The Woolwich Murder and the Communications Data Bill

So today, Nick Clegg is under pressure from Labour peers Lord West and Lord Reid to revive the Communications Data Bill that would allow authorities access to private communications across the digital spectrum.

This is being suggested in light of the recent killing in London of Lee Rigby. Liberal Democrat and a former government reviewer of counter-terrorism Lord Carlile said on the BBC's Newsnight "We have to learn proportionate lessons from what has occurred. We mustn't rush to judgment. But we must ensure that the police and the security services have for the future the tools they need that will enable them to prevent this kind of attack taking place."

While no-one can deny that the murder is an abhorrent tragedy, this violent and disgusting act is nothing more than a catalyst for politicians to enact the legislation that they want to put through. Do they really think that the ability to snoop on someone's Twitter messages will yield worthwhile intelligence? Is someone really going to broadcast that they will murder someone in the street across their social media feed? This is another sick example of this government continuing the slight of hand that sees your civil liberties eroded away in order to "protect" us from ourselves.

The murder of Lee Rigby should be handled with dignity and respect; not as a catalyst for politicians to push their own agendas.

My thoughts are with the family and friends of Lee.